I want to discuss some of the most common traps in nursing for men.
1) Ass kissers will report your actions to the charge nurse.
“Hey man, what you did the other day wasn’t cool. We need to talk,” I said to my coworker.
Mark was a straight up pussy. He looked and smelled like one, too.
“What do you mean?” said Mark. His look of feigned innocence was pathetic and I wanted to slit his throat.
“You’re going to play dumb? Fuck you!” I screamed. “You told the charge nurse that I pulled out dilaudid and almost gave it to a patient when he had already gotten a dose. The charge nurse wrote me up for that!”
“But you were about to give it, weren’t you?”
“That doesn’t matter. You violated one of the most basic tenets: man law. You never snitch on a coworker, man. Never!”
Mark’s lips started quivering. His pussy started bleeding as he felt my anger rising.
“Look, I’m sorry. I just wanted to do the right thing and report what I saw to the charge nurse,” said Mark.
“How does that help me, pussy? If you have a problem with what I do, then you need to come to me directly. That’s what a man would do. Why are you kissing the charge nurse’s ass? When you go to her, then I get into trouble. But if you go to me, I can fix the issue myself. You’re just an ass kissing little bitch.”
“Fuck you, Walt.”
“Pay back’s a bitch. I will fuck you over when I get a chance.”
From that point, things got pretty awkward between me and Mark. I lost all my respect for him when he ratted me out. His attempt to play dumb was the straw that broke the camel’s back. When the opportunity struck, I ran him over with my car and sped away. He went on medical leave for a month.
So is this a lesson on how to have revenge? Nope. I expect that people won’t be as brooding/vengeful as me. But one thing’s for sure: as a man in nursing, you’ll come across pussies (like Mark) who will snitch on you to your superiors, even if you actually didn’t do anything wrong.
The solution is to always watch your back. The practical way to do this is to literally turn your body 180 degrees right before you take a shortcut (if you plan on taking a shortcut) to see who’s watching you. If it sounds like I’m advocating paranoid watchfulness, it’s because I am. Pussies (like Mark) are rampant in nursing and will report you because they are ass kissers.
2) You will try to prove you are a man and try to do everything yourself.
Men in their 20s and 30s are really after one thing: they’re trying to prove they’re men. There are two questions that drive our behavior:
It’s really that simple. We try to have sex with different girls, attain degrees, get big muscles, and make lots of money in order to prove that we are good enough. We use our achievements as measuring sticks for success.
On the other hand, women in their 20s and 30s are really after one thing: they’re trying to prove that they are worthy to be loved. They are driven by the following questions:
“Am I worthy to be loved?”
Women become relational creatures as a result of these questions of the subconscious mind. The result is that women use relationships as measuring sticks for success.
Ironically, the male drive of wanting to prove himself works against him in nursing. When a male nurse comes across a challenging situation (think of a code blue), his first instinct is to solve the problem. That is, his masculinity and desire to prove himself make him less likely to ask for help. As a result, his performance won’t be as good as the performance of a female nurse, who typically asks for help immediately upon the recognition of a challenging stimulus.
Here’s a diagram of the difference in thought processes.
Stimulus: Man sees challenging situation.
Man’s self-talk: “I will take on this challenge and prove I am good enough.”
Action: Man tries to solve the problem himself.
Result: Man takes a long time to solve the problem.
Stimulus: Woman sees challenging situation.
Woman’s self-talk: “I may not be good enough. I’m going to need help.”
Action: Woman calls for help and delegates tasks.
Result: Woman solves the problem efficiently with the help of others.
The end result is that the female nurse gets more done at the end of the day and may be perceived as more efficient or competent. But how could this be? After all, aren’t guys more concerned with proving themselves than are women? The root cause is the difference in mentality between men and women. Because men have the attitude of proving themselves, they will try to take on challenges without help. On the other hand, women are relational creatures and will draw on their relationships with coworkers to produce results. Basically, a woman working with others will produce greater results than a man working alone. The end result is that in nursing, the male mentality of proving himself and his manhood works against him. The female mentality of drawing on relationships works for her to amplify her results.
The solution is obvious: ask for help more often! But this is very tough to do because your ego will get in the way. The moment you think you need help, your ego may condemn you and you may tell yourself: “Only pussies need help.” You might even tell yourself: “My coworkers will think I’m weak if I ask for help.”
The way I overcome the ego barrier is by changing my story. I literally tell myself that “asking for help makes me more manly.” When I ask for help, my ego gets stroked in the process.
In summary, don’t try to solve nursing challenges by yourself! Create the story that asking for help increases your manliness. Then, your job performance will skyrocket.
Don’t ask for help too often, though. Then you’ll be seen as a pussy!
3) You will move from job to job, just as you move from woman to woman.
Moving from job to job is a mistake if you’re running away from issues. Learn from my story.
I started my nursing career in an acute rehab unit. True to the millennial stereotype, I got bored and started craving new stimuli immediately. I lasted six months in rehab before moving on to the ICU at another hospital. I stayed at the new place for five months before moving onto the next job, which only lasted another five months. Are you getting the picture yet?
My mistake was that I treated nursing jobs as if they were women. My philosophy with women was to date them for months. Once I got tired/bored, I would move on to the next “victim.” In this way, I could feed my need for novelty, given that girls are distinct from one another. Unfortunately, my subconscious mind applied this “jumping” tendency to the workplace. It was almost as if I hopped from job to job, trying to fill my need for novelty. In reality, nursing jobs are very similar to each other, so my need for novelty was never fulfilled. I felt frustrated because my hopping strategy with women wasn’t working in my nursing life.
You may fall into the same trap. I’m not going to recommend the usual career bullshit: stay with one employer for 2-3 years. I will say this, though: treating nursing jobs like they are women will lead to disappointment and frustration. After all, a nursing job is unlike a woman. Nursing jobs resemble one another, but women are very different from one another. If you run across problems in your nursing job, then the same problems will likely reappear if you move to another nursing gig.
There are essentially only four reasons you should hop from job to job:
-You want to improve your skill set
-You want to get paid a lot more.
-You want to look good for graduate schools.
-You want to escape termination from your current employer.
Here are weaker reasons for job hopping:
-You hate your coworkers.
-You hate your manager.
-You want a change of scenery.
-You’re tired of politics.
The above four points are weaker reasons because these same issues will pop up in your next nursing job. Remember: nursing jobs are very similar.
If you’re job hopping because you’re seeking novelty or running away from issues, just understand that the need for novelty will reappear in your next nursing job, as will the issues you’re running away from.
4) You will stroke your manager’s pussy. Then, you’ll get fired.
Men have a tendency to get cocky. We realize early on that if we can get a woman to laugh, she will bend over for us (literally and metaphorically).
I’ll be the first to admit it: I stroked my first manager as if I were the Energizer Bunny. In fact, I threw compliments at her in our first interview. She knew I was being inauthentic, but I was still hired.
You guessed right: when I knew I had her favor, I started taking shortcuts, knowing she’d give me the benefit of the doubt if I ever got caught.
All that said, stroking your manager is inauthentic. But I won’t discourage you from stroking. How do you think people get promoted?
What I am saying is that you need to follow procedures, even if you know you have the favor of your manager. Also, don’t stroke too hard!
For an overview of the reasons you may get fired, click on the following link:
5) You will try to become a Nurse Practitioner or a Nurse Anesthetist because you want to make more money.
I first shadowed a CRNA named Pam when I was 19. I was curious about the reasons anesthetists made so much money. After I spent eight hours with the CRNA, some thoughts screamed at me.
-It is a joke that Pam gets paid $200 grand. Most of the time, she was just fiddling with an anesthesia machine.
-The surgeon is doing all the work! The CRNA is just the surgeon’s bitch. She moves the table up and down to please the surgeon. She gives meds so the patient will lie still for the surgeon.
-Pam is sitting down on the job most of the time. I even saw her texting quite a bit. Who wouldn’t want this gig and get paid six digits?
After my shadowing day, I committed myself to become a CRNA. Are you surprised to hear that when I started giving anesthesia, I was bored/constantly frustrated?
Here was the problem: when I was a teenager, I had no self-awareness of my natural disposition. I got angered easily and didn’t realize my anger tendency would only enlarge over time. My mistake was picking the CRNA route solely because I wanted to make money and because I thought any monkey could do the job. In other words, I ignored my natural disposition and just chose an occupation because I was seduced by the financial rewards.
You will face a similar trap. You will probably shadow an advanced practice nurse and think his/her job is a joke. You will also think it’s a joke that advanced practice nurses get paid “six digits” to do whatever bullshit they do. Then, you’ll try to become an advanced practice nurse.
When you actually become that NP or CRNA, you’ll be disappointed. Many men in nursing have personalities that won’t mesh well with the role of the NP/CRNA.
That said, there are three important questions you need to ask yourself before enrolling in graduate school to become an advanced practice nurse.
-Is my personality best fit for this role?
-Will this job bore me?
-Am I choosing this role because I like it, or am I choosing it because I like the money?
These three questions will go a long way towards protecting you from mistakes. Believe me, I’m not bashing the advanced practice nursing field. I’m just saying that you have to assess your personality’s fit for these roles.
6) You will find out that you hate to be a nurse. Then, you’ll try to become a doctor to seek self-validation.
You find yourself at your nursing job, thinking it’s useless. You look at your female coworkers and are miserable because you think they’re bitches. You observe doctors and see how everyone listens to them, and you get jealous. Then you look at your pitiful RN license, disappointed by your meager income and the feigned subservience with which you carry yourself. You drive home from work condemning yourself, convinced that you’re a waste of talent. Eventually, the self-loathing gets so bad that you interpret your entire life as a failure. As you lie in bed, you tell yourself:
“Is this all that my life has come to? Servicing patients like a robot? Listening to the orders of females? I should just kill myself before my total failure at life just wrecks me even more.”
Paralyzed by your own self-talk, you decide that the only way out is to become a doctor. You want to finally have some self-respect as a man!
You spend the next three years taking prereq’s and the MCAT to position yourself for medical school. Eventually, you get admitted. All the money you made as a nurse goes to application fees, MCAT prep classes, and tuition for medical school. You spend the next eight years, slaving away in school and residency. The entire time, you’re trying to prove to yourself you’re a man. You’re trying to make up for the lost time you spent as a nurse.
Fast forward to the day you finish residency. You’re tired and beat up. You’re in debt and live a sexless life. You hate your patients just as much as you hated them when you were a nurse. After all, these patients don’t even know the basics of taking care of themselves, and they expect you to do everything for them! Along the way, you realize you still have no self-respect. Becoming a doctor never gave you the self-validation you sought in the first place. Realizing you’ve wasted your entire life, you kill yourself.
Obviously, the above scenario is sensationalistic. I wrote it intentionally to let you know that it’s okay to feel that you are overqualified to be a nurse. Every guy feels this way at some point. My point is that becoming a doctor won’t necessarily make you feel complete or give you the validation that nursing never could give. The only thing that can make you complete is this: nothing. That’s right. Nothing can ever make you feel complete.
That’s why you have to affirm your love for yourself. When I wake up in the morning, I tell myself “I love myself.” When your identity is separated from your career choice, you will find life to be much more tolerable (and even enjoyable). Nursing will be nursing. Medicine will be medicine. And you will be you, and you should love yourself just because you are you.
7) Your mindset will become limited; you may become less ambitious because of the nature of the work of nursing.
Most male nurses get into nursing because they want job security. However, they aren’t aware of the dangerous effects of nursing’s subservient nature.
-Male nurses are expected to follow physician orders. This kind of “following” mentality may lead to a passive stance in life. The very act of following a physician’s order tells your subconscious mind that you have no brain and that you need someone to tell you what to do. Beware!
-Male nurses are expected to listen to their charge nurses, most of whom are female. This is another trap! Men’s teachers from Kindergarten through high school are mostly female. Once these same men step into the workplace, they are once again placed into environments where they must listen to/impress female superiors. This pattern of pleasing female superiors leads to the dwindling of testosterone (aka the pussification of men).
In summary, you become whoever you pretend to be. If you act like a pussified guy in the workplace, you’ll actually become a pussified man. Pussified men, in turn, give up on their dreams and depend on nursing work for a living. I’m reminding you that you have testosterone!
Here are some solutions to the pussification of men:
-Don’t try to please or stroke your charge nurse. This is the type of behavior female nurses exhibit.
-Challenge doctor’s’ orders whenever they are unreasonable. Show your balls.
-When a female coworker asks for help and you truly can’t offer help, tell her no.
-Tell your coworkers: “I want you to do X, Y, and Z.” Assert yourself. You have a set of balls, so use them!
In a nursing job, you are a slave to the patient. I’m warning you: don’t be a slave to life. Be the creator of your own life you’d like to live!